I’m about to address a hot topic for the millennial generation because I’m getting pretty effing fed up with this confusion with relationship titles.
Let’s just jump right into it, shall we?
If you’ve been in the dating game at all these five past years you’ve probably noticed the progression of relationships that start and end in the ‘talking’ phase.
The ‘talking’ phase is loosely defined as the in-between of we’re just hooking up and committed relationship. It’s like friends with benefits but everyone knows you’re only hooking up with each other. It’s where theres a blurry line between “I get jealous over you texting another girl” and “we’re not dating so that would be crazy.”
‘Talking’ is useful when you’re figuring out whether you are mentally, emotionally, or physically ready to commit yourself to one dick for the long run. It also helps a lot when you’re trying to decide between a couple of guys, or your mans is deciding whether he wants to put up with your crazy ass as a full time job. But lately there has been a lot of confusion with this step in the relationship process. Let me break this shit down for you..
I’ve noticed that boys have been really pushing the buttons with this phase, and abusing the ‘no title’ aspect of the relationship. They’ll make you feel as though you’re one step away from commitment, but behind the scenes are playing the game like they’re fucking Pauly D circa 2010 in the Jersey Shore. This emotionally exhausting time comes with a list of unwritten rules of the talking are almost allllllways a double standard.
Keep in mind, these rules are rarely ever followed like they should be, which really fucks things up in your 5- year to life plan you made to be with this *amazing* guy.
Some All boys seem to be jumping on this trend of taking advantage of the hard work we put into making them happy, and slowly start to only give it back but only on their own terms, completely abusing the said ‘talking phase.’ So naturally, I’m here to put an end to this fuckery.
The Unwritten Rules of ‘Talking’:
1. You have to talk everyday.
I’m not the type of girl that needs a guy constantly blowing up my phone asking me what I’m doing, but if we’re talking and I don’t hear from you until right before I put my nightly face mask on to go the fuck to sleep, then we have an issue.
PROS: Depending on what you’re into, talking everyday can be a great way to know that this person genuinely gives a shit about you. You don’t have to talk every single second of the day, but a few texts and phone calls catching up about how your day is going can be a good reassurance that everything is not one-sided.
CONS: Here’s where it can get messy. Beginning stages of talking are usually filled with flirty, good morning texts, and the back-and-forth never-ending-oops-I-fell-asleep-on-you texting conversations. As time goes on, though, texting usually dwindles and can turn into less frequent conversations and/or into just calling & Facetime-ing. This gets confusing, because it usually ends up meaning you’re that comfortable with each other that catching up a few times throughout the day works just fine or every girls biggest fear- he’s just not that into you anymore.
2. You cannot hook up with other people.
This rule sounds great, but can be twisted/ adjusted if both parties don’t have a mutual understanding.
PROS: If you’re both here to make this ‘spark of romance’ you two have turn into a long-term relationship, only hooking up with each other lets you build a better physical and emotional connection. You’re reassured that your platinum vagine is the only one he wants, and that you can really get to know what you both like the smush room.
CONS: If both parties are not aware that this rule stands, or one of you just completely disregards, things can get messy. Girls naturally tend to attach themselves to one dick and think it’s theirs and only theirs, then get really hurt when they find out he’s not just hitting you up to come over, but also 5 other girls he’s told you not to worry about. (Not that that’s ever happened to me before, haaaaa) So clarifying that you’re only hooking up with each other is a huge and v important part of the talking phase.
3. You have to hang with each other’s friends.
I get, trust me. There’s times where the boys just want to hang with the boys & you just want to gossip with your girls, but, if you are talking to someone and don’t hang with each other’s friends, chances are you’re not actually talking and he’s just using you for attention (and for a fuck.)
PROS: Getting shown off is like, every girl’s dream. We want the whole wide world to know that you are his and noooobody else’s, and there’s no better way of a guy showing you off then to bring you around his friends. When (and if) he does, it can be a big step toward the big question, and a great way to impress his friends by showing them how you can be super chill/one of the bros.
CONS: It might take a long ass time for him to ask you to hang with his friends, and it might take longer for you to bring him around yours. Insecurities can spark up depending on how you act around each other’s friends, and if your girls get the vibe he’s not for you, then sis, he most likely isn’t, & there’s just no bouncing back from that.
4. You have to turn your feelings off.
This is the part I struggle with the most (those damn love goggles) Strong word of advice, you cannot get yourself too attached. Breaking up with someone you weren’t even dating yet usually hurts worse than a real break up.
PROS: Turning your feelings off is a good way to help yourself step back from the picture and really see whether this dude is treating you right or not. Feelings can cloud your focus, and girls let me tell you, you need all the laser focus you can muster up to make sure his dick is not straying out of his AE boxer briefs & you’re getting nothing less than you should. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
CONS: If your keep-it-in-your-pants will power is slim to none (like mine) this can be ROUGH. Attaching yourself to someone that’s not all the way yours can become a cluster fuck of feelings and emotions jumping around your head, causing you over think, jump the gun, and ruin what could potentially be something fuckin’ magical. Turn the feelings off, ladies.
These rules are hard AF to follow, but if both people can agree to give it a go, things just might work out. BUT, if you both haven’t agreed that these rules
should need to be followed, your sweet lil’ heart can get ripped right out and you’ll be that girl.
Nobody wants to be that girl, trust me. Been there done that.
The talking phase is planted here in this generation, and it’s not going anywhere. We must learn to adjust and follow the rules until we get our mans thats not really our mans to smarten up, and wife us up. Chivalry is dead people, but if you happen to find a small tiny seedling of it that is alive and these stupid rules do not apply to you, don’t you dare fuck it up.