Picture this: I’m scrolling through Instagram laying in my fuzzy ass bathrobe on my bed with @Addy_the_Wheatie, and I come across some hilarious meme captioned “I can’t tell if I like bad boys or I just hate myself.”
I was laughing my ass off when I saw that because it’s honestly the realest shit I’ve heard in a while…
Think about it- do we actually like these so called “bad boys” or do we just hate ourselves that much we deal with their bullshit?
So I’m currently in a position where I’m talking to what one would call a “bad boy” and let me tell you it’s f*cking deteriorating my self-worth. I’m blaming it 100% on my love goggles too. Bad boys can be so intimidating, so mysterious, so hot, and so so bad for you. It’s almost like a sick twisted addiction where you just can’t stop seeing them even though they make you feel like absolute shit.
I’m the type of girl that’s a ‘fixer,’ kinda like Ms. Norbury in Mean Girls is a ‘pusher.’ I love helping people, so in my f*cked up mind, I think of this boy as a new project, a win-win. I get hook ups, a cool mysterious dude, and I get to change him into the perfect husband material have-my-children type of man…
What could be better?
I’ll answer that myself- a hell of a lot, actually.
This meme really hit me in my feels and made me think whether I actually have that little self esteem that I put up with this bad boy’s mind fuckery, or do I actually like this guy. So I did what I always do when I find myself in a self-induced crisis, I called out for backup from the experts- Cosmo articles, my mom, & my idiot friends who do fall for the same type of losers that I do.
I started asking around about how girls that have been in similar situations as me feel, and how they got over their bad boys. Almost every answer had the same common denominator- Us, the “good girls” always get hurt.
So why can’t we stop?
I’ll share some insights from my research that might make dealing with your super badddddd to the bone boy a weee bit easier.
First things first, I’ve learned we can’t be so hard on ourselves. The queen Ariana Grande didn’t write ‘everytime’ just for shits and gigs. It’s totally natural to feel like you need to go back to someone who has you chase them around like a dog at the park. It’s all a part of the game that you get wrapped up into. When the attention you crave is given to you, then taken away just as quickly, it’s our human nature to do whatever we can to get it back. Going over whenever they ask, answering their call even when you’re busy, buying them gifts or food when they don’t buy you shit.. the list goes on of the stupid shit we do for bad boys. It’s not right, but its what happens until we learn that we’ve finally had enough.
And that time will come.
Secondly, just because you’re talking to a bad boy, doesn’t mean you need to be a ‘bad girl’. I get it, though, I’m always wondering whether he’s off with ‘cooler’ girls. I mean, I’m not Plain Jane but I’m not one to post Instas in my f*cking thong everyday like some of these girls out here, I can barely take a god damn selfie. But we need to stop comparing ourselves to every girl’s pic he likes on the gram. You don’t need to wear more make up, dress with less, curse more, smoke and drink more, any of the things you see some other girls do. If he likes you for your innocent cute lil’ self, then great, but if he doesn’t then move on to someone that does.
probably doesn’t deserve you anyway.
Instead, go be a bad ass bitch for you. Work out, eat right, kill it at your job (i refuse to say “get that bread) do well in school, hang with your girls, post a fire selfie and let the DMs rack up, but don’t ever feel like you need to degrade yourself to line up with these other girls.
You are who you are and that’s that.
The most important advice I received was to “Watch the movie without the sound.”
That’s deep AF right?
It basically means pay attention to their actions and not just their words. These boys can talk a mean game and reel you in with the “I care about you,” “I like you,” “You’re my girl” lines, f*cking classic, but then don’t act like it. If the really liked you, he’d bring you around his friends, his family, show you off, take you to dinner, make you feel good all of the time and not just when its convenient for him. This is a super hard concept to follow, god knows I still don’t follow it when I should, but it will really prove whether he’s real with you or just real good at making shit up.
Another thing that pisses me off about these bad boys, is they can make you feel extra crazy. I mean, girls are already crazy as hell as it is, but these boys can drive us wild. They’ll be all about us when you’re alone- you know, telling you everything you like to hear about how much they want you and they care about you, but when they’re with their friends they act like you’re just a friend. They send you mixed messages and make you second guess whether you’re too invested, or you’re too sensitive, or too crazy.
I’ll tell you now though I guarantee you’re not, he’s just toooo scared to be alone, he keeps you around for fun, and makes you feel like you’re an actual psychopath for feeling confused.
Moral of the story here is bad boys play games. No girl ever ends up with the bad boy for the rest of their life in real life, that’s all in the movies.
You are not Sandy, and he is not Grease Lightning.
He will not change.
Say it with me now girls- He. Will. Not. Change.
It’s funny that I’m writing all this like I’m f*cking Ghandi or something and I can’t keep it in my own pants when he calls me on a Saturday night to come pick him up from the bar I didn’t get invited to.
BUT, baby steps girls, we’ll get there.
Good luck to my fellow love goggles, take them off once in a while will ya?